LOST in the Writer's Room

Hello readers! I am very excited to share this information with you. I am taking a writers class for dramatic television series, and I love it! Did you hear me? I said I LOVE it. Everyone thought that the recent writers strike would send young hopefuls into the exciting world of Tupperware sales, but I am here to tell you, there are 200 excited young writers with me in my class. An impressive number indeed!

We recently had an assignment to rewrite a comedy as a drama, and I chose House of Sand and Fog because, seriously, without all the puns, visual gags, and one-liners, that movie has some pretty dark overtones I felt I could expand on. I mean, I knew Ben Kingsley was a riot in Gandhi, but he is all laughs here. I mean, c'mon Ben, TELL US A MEANINGFUL STORY HERE! Ha ha.

Here’s the exciting news though! My professor chose MY script over everyone’s to win! Anywayyy, guess what I won!! ........NOPE! It was the chance to sit in the writers room of the hit TV show LOST!!!

OMG! ROFDCSTVCCTMR!!!! (*Rolling on the floor drinking celebratory shots of tequila and vodka, commonly called the Mexican Russian)

So, this was during the fourth season of the show, and a lot of people thought it was a season that they were “wasting time” until they got an ending date in sight. But those people are dead wrong! Since that season has passed, ABC has given me the green light to share the minutes I took during that day! YAY!!

9:00 – Minutes of the last writers meeting are reviewed. There is a brief discussion of how the ghost gerbils can make their entrance.

9:30 – Wolverine and X-Men Presents: Wolverine back issues are scanned for Sawyer dialogue. Many one liners, nicknames, and “bad-attitude demonstrators” are pitched, but head writer shoots them down, and describes them as “not Klee Shay enough”. (*I don’t know who this Shay writer is, but I will investigate!)

10:00 – Writer’s room explodes into fury of simultaneous masturbation.

10:30 – Discussion of how the ghost gerbils can obtain no other linkage to anything that has happened previously on the show. One of the writers, Billy, thoroughly asks how their background story coincides with the plot of the rest of the series. Other writers reply, “Magic”.

11:00 – Ghost gerbil topic is set aside for discussion on another nearby island the characters can escape to. The trees on said island will be made of chocolate and pixiedust.

12:00 – Lunchtime! The Inspiration bong is passed around. I had never seen marijuana that looked like white crystals and rocks before but hey, When LOST in Rome…! Ha ha.

3:45 – Everyone wakes up. Need for a script is discussed. Billy argues need for script.

3:47 – Inspiration bong is passed around again.

5:00 – Everyone wakes up to alarm that is programmed to play Linkin’ Park’s Given Up. Quittin time! “Another day, another dollar” is said to me by each writer as we exit the building.